Setting Boundaries as a New Mum

Bringing a newborn home is one of a mother's most magical and overwhelming times. While friends and family mean well, their eagerness to help and bond with the baby can sometimes be a bit much, especially when a new mum wants time to settle into her rhythm.

This story follows one mum who found she could enjoy the newborn phase by setting boundaries instead of just surviving it. Through trial and error, she learned what worked for her, and her experiences may offer some guidance for any new mum navigating this same challenge.

Building her own "Island" of Peace

When she first became a mother, her brother gave her the best advice: “When you and your partner have a baby, you become an island. Anyone wanting to come onto the island has to follow your rules.” With this in mind, she and her partner began to see themselves as a unique family unit—a space that deserved respect and boundaries independent of other people’s expectations.

Realizing they could decide what worked best for their family gave them the courage to set boundaries confidently. This advice transformed her perspective. By viewing her family as a safe “island,” she felt empowered to protect her energy and focus on what mattered most. It wasn’t always easy, but each boundary they set strengthened her family’s foundation.

@nicole: “We set boundaries with our first after he was born because it was too overwhelming for us all. Now he is 18 months old, and my in-laws don’t ask to see him or ask how he is. They took it too extreme 🙄”

Nicole’s story is a reminder that while boundaries may sometimes lead to misunderstandings, they ultimately create a structure that respects everyone’s needs. It’s not about closing doors; it’s about fostering healthy, intentional interactions.

Prioritising Baby’s Schedule Over Others’

One of the first boundaries this mum set revolved around her newborn’s schedule. Early on, she realized that the baby’s sleep, feeding, and quiet time needed precedence over anyone else’s plans. If the baby were sleeping, visitors would need to wait. Friends and relatives were kindly asked to reschedule if the family needed a restful day.

Rather than feeling guilty, she recognized that a calm environment allowed her to be a more present, engaged parent. Prioritizing the baby’s needs wasn’t about pushing others away but creating a nurturing space for her child’s growth.

Setting Boundaries Around Parenting Choices

This mother found that everyone had advice on what her child “should” be doing, eating, or learning. While well-meaning, the flood of guidance sometimes felt more like pressure than support. So, she and her partner set firm boundaries. If they decided on certain limits, like no sugary treats or a strict bedtime, those were the rules, and they expected others to respect them.

This also extended to health boundaries, requiring everyone around the newborn to be vaccinated. This rule was non-negotiable, and though not everyone agreed, she and her partner knew it was important to stand firm.

@aliyahnorales: “Yess, it’s so hard, but this is so good. Will be doing with my next!”

Setting these types of boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, but as Aliyah commented, it’s worth it for the peace of mind that comes with protecting a child’s health and well-being.

No Undermining Parental Authority

This boundary may have been one of the most important: nobody was allowed to question her authority as a parent in front of her children. If someone disagreed with her parenting approach, she was open to feedback, but it needed to happen away from her child. 

Having a united front is essential for a child’s sense of stability. When relatives undermine parental decisions, it sends mixed messages to the child, making them uncertain about where authority lies.

The children feel secure in her home, knowing their parents are their guides. When family members respect that dynamic, the parenting experience becomes more harmonious.

Protecting Personal Time and Energy

Early in her parenting journey, this mum realized that some visits from friends and family could be refreshing while others felt more draining. So, she allowed herself to set limits around visits, even if it initially felt awkward. If someone stayed too long or didn’t contribute to the calm environment she’d created, she permitted herself to ask them to leave gently.

In these cases, it wasn’t about offending anyone but recognizing her family’s need for rest and peace. For anyone who feels shy about setting boundaries like this, she found that kindness and gratitude worked wonders.

@Cass: “How would you recommend politely asking someone to leave if they overstay their welcome? I feel like I’m too nervous or shy to do it, even if I need them to leave.”

Cass found one strategy helpful: thank visitors for their time and simply mention that the family was settling down. Saying something like, “Thank you so much for coming by. We’re getting ready for some quiet time now, but we’ll catch up again soon!” keeps the exchange friendly and positive. Most people understand and appreciate clear communication, especially when it’s expressed with kindness.

The True Power of Boundaries

Setting these boundaries didn’t just help this mother survive those first few months of motherhood; it made her feel more present and at peace. Knowing she could create and protect a safe space for her family made all the difference. She felt empowered as a parent and facilitated a secure, loving environment for her child.

Boundaries express love, showing children that their home is safe with reliable rules and routines. So, if you’re struggling to set boundaries, remember it’s okay. You’re not shutting others out; you’re making room for respect, connection, and joy in your family’s life. 

Being a mum is hard enough without feeling like you need to meet everyone else’s expectations. Boundaries are a gift, both to yourself and to your child. As your family grows, you may find that the boundaries you set become an essential part of your parenting toolkit. They help create a calm, stable environment where your child can thrive and where you can find joy and peace in your role as a mother.

So, if you’re feeling nervous about enforcing boundaries, remember that you’re doing it out of love. You’re protecting what matters most—and teaching your child a lifelong lesson about respect and self-care.

Setting Boundaries Around Parenting Choices

This mother found that everyone had advice on what her child “should” be doing, eating, or learning. While well-meaning, the flood of guidance sometimes felt more like pressure than support. So, she and her partner set firm boundaries. If they decided on certain limits, like no sugary treats or a strict bedtime, those were the rules, and they expected others to respect them.

This also extended to health boundaries, requiring everyone around the newborn to be vaccinated. This rule was non-negotiable, and though not everyone agreed, she and her partner knew it was important to stand firm.

@aliyahnorales: “Yess, it’s so hard, but this is so good. Will be doing with my next!”

Setting these types of boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, but as Aliyah commented, it’s worth it for the peace of mind that comes with protecting a child's health and well-being.