If You're Struggling With Guilt for Having One Child: Here’s What Mums Are Saying

Motherhood is a constant balance between love, sacrifice, and—let’s face it—a good dose of mum guilt. And if you’re a mum of an only child, you might be all too familiar with the nagging question, “Am I giving my child everything they need?” 

One mum, whose TikTok video quickly garnered over 2,000 comments, recently opened up about this dilemma. Her message struck a chord with many other mums who feel the pressure, guilt, and doubt surrounding the choice to have just one child.

Let's examine her story, the heartfelt responses, and why so many parents are in the same boat. Read on, and you might just find a little reassurance, togetherness, or even a new perspective.

The “Only Child” Guilt

In her TikTok video, this mum spoke vulnerably about her three-year-old daughter and her daily internal conflict. While she wants to give her daughter a sibling, she’s not ready for another child—mentally or financially. 

As she watches her little girl grow, she feels guilty, wondering who she’ll play with, go through life with, and lean on in adulthood. She voiced what so many mothers feel but often don’t express openly: the fear that by having only one child, they might be depriving their child of something fundamental.

One comment that deeply resonated with her post said: “Same, my daughter is 9 & honestly, I have no desire to have another child. I just want to travel, live, and give her a great life.” This mum’s perspective highlights the beauty of choosing to provide rich life experiences over siblings. It’s a decision that many parents wrestle with, trying to balance their own well-being and the life they envision for their only child.

“Am I Selfish, or Am I Doing What’s Best for My Family?”

Another recurring theme in the comments was selfishness. Many mothers worry that not giving their child a sibling might be a selfish choice. In her video, this mother wonders, “Am I being selfish by not giving her a sibling? How is that going to affect her into adulthood?”

As it turns out, she’s not alone. Countless mothers shared their own struggles, noting how they feel judged and inadequate for wanting—or needing—to stop at one child. Yet, as one mother commented, “It’s okay to give your child a happy and healthy mum instead of a sibling.” Her words echoed in numerous comments, are a powerful reminder that our well-being as mothers is often overlooked but deeply impacts our children.

Debunking the Only-Child Stereotype

The belief that only children are lonely, isolated, or missing out on important experiences has existed for generations. But modern mums are questioning whether this stereotype still holds true or is just another outdated parenting expectation.

One mum who commented mentioned her experience growing up as an only child: “I’m an only child, and so is my husband. We have a son who’s almost 1. We go back and forth about having another. But as an only child, I got to experience so much more because it was just me.”

She makes an important point: only children often have unique experiences and opportunities. Without siblings, they may receive more focused attention, diverse experiences, and even the gift of independence early on.

Parents are beginning to reframe the narrative, realizing that being an only child isn’t a deficit; rather, it’s just a different path with its unique gifts and challenges.

How Society’s Expectations Add to the Pressure

In her TikTok video, the mum discusses another reality—how societal expectations intensify her guilt. She hears constant reminders from others about the importance of siblings and the presumed loneliness of only children. Comments like, “You shouldn’t wait too long,” or “Your child needs a sibling,” have an unintended effect, adding to her feelings of inadequacy.

One mother shared her feelings on this pressure in the comments: “Yes, I struggle with this CONSTANTLY. And people always tell me I shouldn’t wait long and my son needs a sibling… I feel awful… but mentally and financially, I’m not ready.” Many mothers echoed her sentiment, validating each other’s concerns and reminding them that only they know what’s best for their families.

When it comes to decisions as personal as family size, it’s clear that there is no “one-size-fits-all” answer. Sometimes, the hardest thing for a parent to do is tune out the noise and trust their instincts.

A Powerful Reminder for Mums of Only Children

The outpouring of support on this TikTok video serves as a reminder of something essential: as mums, we’re often harder on ourselves than anyone else would be. The pressures we place on ourselves, the expectations we feel from society, and the guilt that follows us all stem from our desire to give our children the best possible life. 

However, as many mothers pointed out in their comments, raising our children with a happy, fulfilled, and mentally healthy mother is equally important.

One comment wisely said, “I’d rather give my child a peaceful and happy life than push myself into having another child just to fulfill an expectation.” These words highlight the importance of prioritizing mental and emotional health for both mother and child.

The Power of Community and Shared Experience

With over 2,000 comments on this post, it’s clear that this topic resonated with many. The comments turned into a virtual support group, a place where mums came together to share their struggles, stories, and decisions. They validated, lifted each other, and reminded each other that mum guilt is something they can overcome together.

Reading these comments, it becomes apparent that there is strength in shared experience. When mums open up about their insecurities, hopes, and doubts, it helps others feel less alone. By being vulnerable, they create space for others to be, too.

Are You a Mum Struggling with This Too?

If you’re feeling the weight of this choice or struggling with the decision of whether to have another child, know that you’re not alone. Mums across the world are walking this same path, each doing their best to make the right decision for themselves and their families. The reality is that there’s no perfect answer—just the one that feels right for you and your family.