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Bringing a newborn home is one of the most magical—and overwhelming—times in a mother’s life. While friends and family mean well, their eagerness to help and bond with the baby can sometimes be a bit much, especially when all a new mum wants is time to settle into her own rhythm. This story follows one mum who found that by setting boundaries, she was able to enjoy the newborn phase instead of just surviving it. Through trial and error, she learned what worked for her, and her experiences may offer some guidance for any new mum navigating this same challenge.
When she first became a mother, one of the best pieces of advice came from her brother: “When you and your partner have a baby, you become an island. Anyone wanting to come onto the island has to follow your rules.” With this in mind, she and her partner began to see themselves as a unique family unit—a space that deserved respect and boundaries independent of other people’s expectations. Realising that they were allowed to decide what worked best for their family gave them the courage to set boundaries with confidence.
This advice transformed her perspective. By viewing her family as a safe “island,” she felt more empowered to protect her energy and focus on what mattered most. It wasn’t always easy, but each boundary they set strengthened her family’s foundation.
@nicole: “We set boundaries with our first after he was born because it was too overwhelming for us all. Now he is 18 months, and my in-laws don’t ask to see him or ask how he is. They took it too extreme 🙄”
Nicole’s story is a reminder that while boundaries may sometimes lead to misunderstandings, they ultimately create a structure that respects everyone’s needs. It’s not about closing doors; it’s about fostering healthy, intentional interactions.
One of the first boundaries this mum set revolved around her newborn’s schedule. She realised early on that the baby’s sleep, feeding, and quiet time needed to take precedence over anyone else’s plans. If the baby was sleeping, visitors would need to wait. If the family needed a restful day, friends and relatives were kindly asked to reschedule.
Rather than feeling guilty, she recognised that a calm environment allowed her to be a more present, engaged parent. Prioritising the baby’s needs wasn’t about pushing others away, but creating a nurturing space for her child’s growth.
This mother found that everyone had advice on what her child “should” be doing, eating, or learning. While well-meaning, the flood of guidance sometimes felt more like pressure than support. So, she and her partner set firm boundaries: if they decided on certain limits—like no sugary treats or a strict bedtime—those were the rules, and they expected others to respect them.
This also extended to health boundaries, such as requiring everyone around the newborn to be vaccinated. This rule was non-negotiable, and though not everyone agreed, she and her partner knew it was important to stand firm.
@aliyahnorales: “Yess, it’s so hard, but this is so good. Will definitely be doing with my next!”
Setting these types of boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, but as Aliyah commented, it’s worth it for the peace of mind that comes with protecting a child’s health and well-being.
This boundary may have been one of the most important: nobody was allowed to question her authority as a parent in front of her children. If someone disagreed with her parenting approach, she was open to feedback—but it needed to happen away from her child. Having a united front is essential for a child’s sense of stability. When relatives undermine parental decisions, it sends mixed messages to the child, making them feel uncertain about where authority lies.
In her home, the children are able to feel secure, knowing that mum and dad are their guides. And when family members respect that dynamic, it makes the whole experience of parenting more harmonious.
Early in her parenting journey, this mum realised that some visits from friends and family could be refreshing, while others felt more draining. So she allowed herself to set limits around visits, even if it felt awkward at first. If someone stayed too long or wasn’t contributing to the calm environment she’d created, she gave herself permission to gently ask them to leave.
In these cases, it wasn’t about offending anyone, but recognising her family’s need for rest and peace. For anyone who feels shy about setting boundaries like this, she found that kindness and gratitude worked wonders.
@Cass: “How would you recommend politely asking someone to leave if they are overstaying?? I feel like I’m too nervous/shy to do it even if I need them to go.”
Cass, one strategy she found helpful was to thank visitors for their time and then simply mention that the family was settling down. Saying something like, “Thank you so much for coming by. We’re getting ready for some quiet time now, but we’ll catch up again soon!” keeps the exchange friendly and positive. Most people understand and appreciate clear communication, especially when it’s expressed with kindness.
Setting these boundaries didn’t just help this mum survive those first few months of motherhood—it allowed her to feel more present and at peace. Knowing that she could create and protect a safe space for her family made all the difference. She was able to feel empowered as a parent and foster a secure, loving environment for her child.
Boundaries serve as an expression of love, showing children that their home is a safe place with reliable rules and routines. So, if you’re struggling with setting your own, remember that it’s okay. You’re not shutting others out—you’re making room for respect, connection, and joy in your family’s life.
Being a mum is hard enough without feeling like you need to meet everyone else’s expectations. Boundaries are a gift, both to yourself and to your child. And as your family grows, you may find that the boundaries you set become an essential part of your parenting toolkit. They help create a calm, stable environment where your child can thrive and where you can find joy and peace in your role as a mother.
So, if you’re feeling nervous about enforcing boundaries, remember that you’re doing it out of love. You’re protecting what matters most—and teaching your child a lifelong lesson about respect and self-care.
© Mindsmaking 2024
