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Some people dream of becoming parents from the time they’re little. They imagine baby names, picture a family life, and feel excited about the journey ahead. For her, it was the opposite. She never wanted children—not as a child, not as a young adult, and not even after marriage. The idea of raising a child felt overwhelming. She thought about the pressure of teaching a tiny human how to grow into a kind, strong, and capable adult. It seemed like too much responsibility and too much room for error.
But life doesn’t always follow our plans. She became pregnant, and with that, her world shifted. Joy and fear filled her in equal measure. “I was terrified,” she admits. “I didn’t know if I could do it.”
To manage her feelings, she turned to writing. In the quiet moments of pregnancy, she penned a letter—a long, heartfelt message to the baby growing inside her. The letter was a mix of beliefs, hopes, and thoughts on how to live a meaningful life. At the time, it was a way to process her emotions. Later, it became so much more.
That letter became the foundation of her parenting journey. Today, it’s a family pledge—a guiding light that helps her navigate the ups and downs of raising children. But the path from that letter to where she is now wasn’t smooth or easy. It was filled with mistakes, moments of doubt, and lots of talking.
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If you ask her how she connects with her kids, she’ll tell you it all comes down to one thing: talking. For her, conversations are the heartbeat of her parenting style.
“I don’t see myself as a parenting expert,” she says. “I make heaps of mistakes. My list of failings is just as long, if not longer, than my list of successes. But one thing I do is talk to my kids—all the time.”
These conversations aren’t planned or scripted. They happen naturally, in response to what’s going on in the world or in her children’s lives. Sometimes her kids ask questions that open the door to deeper topics. Other times, she brings up something she’s noticed—a news story, a school situation, or a behaviour that needs addressing.
What makes her approach unique is her belief that no topic is off-limits. “People often think, ‘That’s too grown-up for kids,’” she says. “But I think there’s always a way to make big topics kid-friendly.”
Her children are learning about the world—not just its light, but also its shadows. They talk about kindness, fairness, honesty, and even harder things like conflict and injustice.
Tina Gilson, a commenter, wrote, ‘Children are young, not stupid,’ after hearing her story. “You do a great job taking mature topics and making them fit where the kids are at.”
Talking to kids about big topics can feel intimidating, but for her, it’s about breaking those ideas down into simple, understandable pieces. She doesn’t hide the truth from her children, but she presents it in a way they can process.
Take kindness, for example. Kindness can mean different things to different people, but she explains it to her children in a way that’s easy to grasp: “It’s about treating people how you’d want to be treated.”
The same goes for fairness. When one child says, “That’s not fair,” it opens the door to a conversation about what fairness really means. She might say, “Fairness doesn’t always mean everyone gets the same thing. Sometimes it means everyone gets what they need.”
This approach also extends to heavier topics. Sacurtin, another mum, commented, “It is so much better to expose them to heavier topics in a healthy and natural way, considering they will be dealing with these themes and situations.” She couldn’t agree more.
One of her children recently asked about a story they heard on the news. It was about a conflict far away, but her child wanted to know why people were fighting. Instead of brushing it off or saying, “You’re too young to understand,” she took the opportunity to explain. She talked about differences in opinions, the importance of empathy, and how people can work through disagreements peacefully.
These conversations aren’t lectures. They’re back-and-forth exchanges, filled with questions, answers, and a lot of “What do you think?” moments.
The letter she wrote during her first pregnancy was never meant to be a big deal. It was a personal exercise—a way to put her thoughts and feelings into words. But as time passed, she realised that letter held the core of what she wanted to teach her children.
“I wrote about the things I believe in,” she says. “Kindness, honesty, curiosity, courage… all the things I think are important to live a good life.”
That letter eventually evolved into a family pledge. The pledge isn’t a set of rules but a set of guiding principles. It’s something they come back to when decisions are hard or when life feels uncertain.
The pledge isn’t perfect, and it isn’t set in stone. It grows and changes as her children grow and as the world around them changes. “It’s not about being rigid,” she explains. “It’s about having something to hold onto when things feel overwhelming.”
Fear has been a constant companion in her parenting journey. She feared becoming a mum, making mistakes, and the responsibility of shaping another human being.
But she’s learned that fear isn’t something to avoid. It’s something to face head-on. “Parenting is scary,” she says. “You’re going to mess up. That’s a given. But the important thing is to keep trying.”
She admits she doesn’t have all the answers. She’s made plenty of mistakes—some big, some small. But she sees those mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow. “Parenting isn’t about getting it right all the time,” she says. “It’s about showing up, even when it’s hard.”
For her, the conversations she has with her children aren’t just about teaching them. They’re also about building a connection. When she talks to her kids, she’s showing them that their thoughts and feelings matter.
These conversations help her children understand the world around them, but they also help them understand themselves. They’re learning to ask questions, think critically, and express their emotions.
One mum, Burr, shared a similar experience with her daughter. “There is no limit for us too,” she commented. “There are some adjustments only. My daughter is 8; we do lots of reading and talk about almost anything.”
Talking isn’t always easy. Sometimes the topics are hard. Sometimes the questions are unexpected. But for her, it’s always worth it.
Every parent has their own way of connecting with their children. For her, it’s through talking. For you, it might be something different. The key is finding what works for your family and doing it with love and intention.
What are the conversations that matter most in your family? What values guide you as a parent? These questions don’t have easy answers, but they’re worth exploring.
Her story is a reminder that parenting is a journey, not a destination. It’s about the small moments, the big conversations, and everything in between.
© Mindsmaking 2024
