How One Mum’s Approach to “Please” and “Thank You” Changed Everything.

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Written by Christiana

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Do you really need to force your kids to say “please” and “thank you”? This mum says no—and her toddlers learned anyway! Discover how modelling respect and kindness can be more powerful than reminders.

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Rethinking Politeness: A Different Approach to “Please” and “Thank You”

It’s a scene every parent knows well: your child is handed something by a kind stranger, and you instinctively nudge them. “What do you say?” you ask. It’s a parenting reflex so it feels almost universal.

But one mum has chosen a completely different path. Instead of insisting her kids say “please” and “thank you,” she focuses on modelling those behaviours herself. It’s a small shift with big results. Both of her toddlers use these polite phrases consistently—not because they’re required to, but because they’ve learned from watching her.

Her story is one of trust, patience, and the belief that children learn best when they feel respected and supported. And it’s sparking a conversation among parents who are rethinking how politeness is taught.

How Kids Really Learn to Speak: The Role of Natural Language Acquisition

If you’ve ever marvelled at how babies go from babbling to forming sentences, you’ve seen natural language acquisition at work. It’s a process as old as humanity itself, rooted in the way children absorb the language they hear in their environment.

For this mum, who is also a speech-language pathologist, this understanding forms the backbone of her parenting approach. From the earliest days of her children’s lives, she’s made it a priority to model respectful language. When she needs their help, she says, “Could you please pass me that toy?” When they help her, she responds with, “Thank you so much for picking that up.”

Her goal isn’t to drill manners into them—it’s to create an environment where politeness is part of the air they breathe. And it works.

Other parents have seen the same results:

  • @yeraldyn: “So true!! My baby always says ‘thank you’, and I have never told her to do so, but I have always said ‘thank you’ when speaking to her, so she does the same!”
  • @ashley: “My daughter is 2 and has been saying ‘please and thank you’ since she was 18 months! She will also hand me stuff and say, ‘Tank u.’”
@cassidyandkids Do you make your kids say please & thank you to other people? Your reminder toddlers learn best through YOU so try this way instead 🙌🏻 #toddlermom #parentingtips #gentleparenting #parentingstyles #languagedevelopment #speechtherapy #speechdelay #babydevelopment #childdevelopment ♬ original sound - Cassidy Anderson & kids

Why “Please” and “Thank You” Aren’t Just Words

For young children, politeness is about much more than memorising words. It’s about building the confidence to connect with others and express themselves. This mum emphasises that forcing kids to say polite phrases, especially in public, can sometimes do more harm than good.

Imagine a shy toddler being asked to say “thank you” to a stranger. For some kids, that kind of interaction can feel overwhelming. Instead of encouraging communication, it might make them withdraw.

This mum’s approach focuses on the bigger picture. “Babies and toddlers need to learn how to share their wants and needs, ask for help, and interact socially,” she explains. “If we push them to use polite words before they’re ready, it can get in the way of that development.”

One commenter shared a moment of pride when politeness emerged naturally:

  • @katie: “My daughter said ‘thank you’ for the first time at the grocery store to the people bagging our groceries last week, and I cried.”

This spontaneous gratitude is the kind of genuine connection that can’t be forced.

The Gentle Parenting Connection: Respect Over Rules

This mum’s approach fits seamlessly into the framework of gentle parenting, which emphasises respect, empathy, and collaboration. But for her, it’s not about labels—it’s about creating a home where respect is mutual.

She explains, “I don’t think of it as gentle parenting. I think of it as speaking to my kids the way I want them to speak to me and others.”

This respect-first mindset allows her to teach manners without demanding them. Instead of saying, ‘Say thank you,’ she demonstrates gratitude in her own actions. Over time, her children naturally adopt the same behaviour.

One parent echoed this sentiment in the comments:

  • @lizeth: “Yes!! I model it, and my toddler naturally says ‘thank you’ when being handed something or similar situations without asking her to say it.”

When Politeness Becomes Meaningful

There’s a key difference between saying polite words out of obligation and saying them because you mean them. For this mum, the goal isn’t just to teach her kids to say ‘please’and ‘thank you.’ It’s to help them understand and feel genuine gratitude.

She shares an example: when her toddlers help clean up their toys, she says, ‘Thanks for helping me pick those up.’ It’s not just about the words; it’s about acknowledging their effort and showing appreciation.

This approach fosters a deeper understanding of kindness and connection. Politeness becomes a natural expression of these values, not a rule to follow.

A Growing Community of Parents Who Model Politeness

The comments on her story reveal a growing community of parents who are embracing this approach. For many, it’s a relief to step away from the pressure of enforcing manners and instead focus on modelling them.

  • @yeraldyn: “I’ve never told my baby to say ‘thank you’, but I always say it to her, and now she does the same.”   
  • @ashley: “My daughter has been saying ‘please and thank you’ since she was 18 months because she hears it from me all the time.”
  • @katie: “Hearing my daughter say ‘thank you’ at the grocery store was one of the most emotional moments of my life. It reminded me how much our kids absorb from us.”

These stories highlight how modelling respectful behaviour creates an environment where politeness flourishes naturally.

Why This Approach Works (and How You Can Start)

At its heart, this mum’s strategy is simple: if you want your kids to be polite, start by being polite to them.

Here’s how you can incorporate this approach into your daily life:

  1. Speak to your kids the way you want them to speak to others. Use phrases like “please” and “thank you” regularly in your interactions with them.                                                               
  2. Acknowledge their efforts. When they help you or do something kind, take the time to thank them.                                                                             
  3. Be patient. Remember, it’s not about instant results. Over time, your children will internalise the behaviours they see modelled.                                                     

This method works because it aligns with how kids naturally learn. Instead of being told what to do, they observe, absorb, and eventually emulate the behaviours they see every day.

Why It’s Never Too Late to Start

If you’re wondering whether this approach will work for your family, the answer is yes—because it’s never too late to start. Whether your child is still learning to talk or already navigating social interactions, modelling respectful language can make a difference.

Politeness isn’t about perfection or following rules. It’s about building a foundation of kindness, connection, and mutual respect. And as this mum’s story shows, it’s the simplest habits—like saying “thank you” to your child—that can have the most profound impact