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In the ever-busy world of parenting, it can feel like a balancing act between guiding your child and keeping your own emotions in check. But what if every challenging moment was also a chance to teach kindness and connection? A recent TikTok video captured one such moment, showing the raw beauty and complexity of gentle parenting. Let’s dive into the story that has resonated with thousands of parents around the globe.
A toddler’s tantrum is a whirlwind of emotions, often sparked by the smallest frustrations. For toddlers, these moments aren’t about manipulation or defiance, they’re an overwhelming flood of feelings they don’t yet have the tools to manage. Their world is still so new, and when they struggle to make sense of it or feel incapable of doing something, their frustration can quickly spiral into anger. It’s not a sign of bad behaviour; it’s a call for guidance.
The TikTok video captures one such moment between a mum and her young daughter. What begins as a simple task simply buttoning up clothes turns into a lesson in patience, connection, and emotional regulation. The little girl, full of determination, wants to do it herself. ‘You want to do it?’ her mum asks gently, setting the tone for collaboration. But as her tiny fingers wrestle with the buttons, frustration takes hold.
‘Mummy help,’ the girl pleads, her voice edged with impatience. Her mum doesn’t take over; she offers to work together: ‘We do it together, ready?’ It’s a balancing act, respecting her daughter’s independence while being there for support. But when the task proves too tricky, the little girl’s emotions boil over into anger, and she lashes out.
This is where many parents might feel their own frustration rising, but the mum in the video handles it with incredible grace. She holds firm: ‘Listen, mummy cannot let you hit her. I know you’re angry, but you do not hit mummy.’ Her words are calm yet unwavering, showing her daughter that boundaries exist even when emotions run high.
Instead of reprimanding, she offers a lifeline: a chance to regulate those big feelings. ‘Breathe in. Breathe out,’ she guides, her voice steady. With each breath, the tension in her daughter begins to ease. This isn’t just about stopping the hitting, it’s about teaching her how to handle frustration in a healthier way.
Through this exchange, the mum transforms a moment of chaos into one of connection. She acknowledges her daughter’s feelings, sets a clear boundary, and gently helps her navigate her emotions. It’s a powerful reminder that tantrums aren’t battles to win but opportunities to teach and nurture.
@_chloegeorgina_ Just a reminder: hitting is a result of their emotions. A natural reaction for anger and frustration is to hit out. You can really see she didn’t intentionally hit me and whilst hitting me, she had a confused look to her face. Toddlers have no idea of right and wrong. They go with their instincts. If I was to shout at her and say no it was just add fuel to the fire. She needed guidance by me providing her with different strategies to help but also acknowledging her big emotions. #toddleremotions #toddlerbehaviour #toddlertips #toddlermum #toddlermom #toddlersbelike #toddlersoftiktok #toddlersontiktok #firsttimemum #gentleparenting #toddlermama #workingmum ♬ original sound - ✨ Chloe & Eliza ✨
Parenting moments like this are incredibly challenging, but they also present opportunities to teach essential skills. Let’s break down the steps this mum used to manage her toddler’s hitting and turn it into a teachable moment:
Once the emotion is acknowledged, it’s crucial to set firm but kind boundaries. In this case, the mum firmly says, ‘Mummy cannot let you hit her. You do not hit mummy.’ This boundary is clear, non-negotiable, and delivered without yelling or shaming.
When setting boundaries, consistency is key. Make sure your child understands what is and isn’t acceptable. Repeat the boundary as needed in a calm tone.
Once your child is calm, it’s time to discuss the boundary and the situation. The mum explains: ‘Our hands are not for hitting; we have kind hands. Our hands are for playing, eating, and clapping.’ By reinforcing the purpose of hands in a positive way, she turns the moment into a teaching opportunity.
She also helps her daughter reflect: ‘Was you angry because mummy didn’t let you do the buttons? It’s just a bit tricky, but when you get bigger, you’ll be able to do them on your own.’ This explanation gives context and helps the child understand both the boundary and her own emotions.
After setting the boundary, offer your child tools to regulate their emotions. The mum in the video uses deep breathing: ‘Breathe in. Breathe out.’ This simple technique helps her daughter shift focus from her frustration to her breath, calming her body and mind.
Other strategies you can try include:
This exchange highlights what makes gentle parenting so transformative. The mum doesn’t ignore the hitting or let it slide; instead, she addresses it with firmness and compassion. She validates her daughter’s feelings (‘I know you’re angry’) while setting a clear boundary (‘Our hands are not for hitting, we have kind hands’). By focusing on connection rather than punishment, she helps her daughter learn to express emotions in healthier ways.
One commenter, @lyne, beautifully encapsulated the sentiment: ‘I have just realised to gentle parent you need to deal with your traumas first and have lots of patience otherwise.’ Indeed, staying calm in the face of a child’s big emotions often requires us to heal from our own.
Another parent, @hello.darling, related deeply to the interaction: ‘This was like watching me and my daughter have the same conversation. My daughter is 2 and we started having these conversations quite early and she understands so well.’ The video struck a chord with many parents navigating similar moments, proving that these small efforts at connection make a big difference.
The mum’s approach wasn’t just about calming her daughter in the moment. It was also about teaching her valuable life lessons. When she says, ‘Our hands are for playing, eating, and clapping,’ she’s planting the seeds of empathy and self-regulation. She goes further by explaining why the task was frustrating: ‘Was you angry because mummy didn’t let you do the buttons? It’s just a bit tricky, but when you get bigger, you’ll be able to do them on your own.’
This acknowledgment helps her daughter make sense of her feelings and the situation. It’s a lesson in patience and resilience that will stay with her far beyond this moment.
@crys, a childcare worker with an interest in developmental psychology, praised the mum’s approach: ‘The space you gave her to have a go, the boundaries you set, the affirming her feelings, the waiting till she’s calm and then discussing her feelings. Incredible.’ These affirmations from other parents and professionals show just how powerful this style of parenting can be.
Gentle parenting isn’t about being permissive or avoiding discipline. It’s about teaching your child how to navigate their emotions and actions in a supportive environment. Moments like these show that even small, everyday interactions can be opportunities for growth. It’s not always easy, and as one commenter pointed out, it requires patience and self-awareness.
But the results are worth it. Children learn not just how to button their clothes but how to manage frustration, express themselves respectfully, and trust that their feelings are valid. And parents learn too—about their own triggers, their capacity for empathy, and the incredible bond they can build with their children.
The next time your child is struggling with a tricky task or a big emotion, take a deep breath. Remember, your calm is their anchor. Validate their feelings, set clear boundaries, and guide them toward a solution. It won’t always be perfect and that’s okay. What matters is showing up with love and patience.
© Mindsmaking 2024
