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As your child approaches their second birthday, you’ll notice them becoming more determined to do things independently. Your toddler may start to assert their preferences and opinions, which means they might push boundaries and test limits.Â
This can result in behaviours like tantrums, lying and screaming. However, it’s also understandable that these challenges may make you feel exhausted and overwhelmed.
Understanding that these behaviours are a normal part of your child’s development is important. Remember that every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another.
Between the ages of one and three, toddlers experience a whirlwind of emotions but cannot often express themselves effectively through words. While they can understand much of what is said to them, their vocabulary and communication skills are still developing. This can be frustrating for children because they have thoughts, feelings, and desires that they struggle to communicate.Â
As a result, when they encounter situations where they feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or unable to express themselves, they may resort to temper tantrums. Tantrums allow toddlers to release pent-up emotions and communicate their distress. Common tantrums include crying loudly, screaming, and sometimes throwing things around.
You need to understand that tantrums are a normal part of toddler development. They occur because toddlers are still learning to regulate emotions and communicate effectively.
Ignoring tantrums is an effective method for managing them. Encourage your child to understand that behaviours like stomping or screaming won’t result in getting what they want. This doesn’t mean neglecting your child but refraining from looking at or speaking to them when they misbehave. Ignore any protests or excuses and reinforce positive behaviours to reduce challenging behaviour.
When dealing with toddler behaviour like tantrums, you must stay calm. Reacting by shouting or losing control can escalate the situation further. Instead, it’s important to maintain a calm demeanour and avoid raising your voice or trying to force your child to be quiet.
Getting to your child’s eye level and offering physical comfort, like holding their hand or embracing them, can help calm your toddler down. This physical reassurance helps them feel safe and loved during moments of distress. Reiterating words of love and reassurance can also help reassure your child that everything will be okay.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the tantrum may continue. In such cases, letting your child wear out the tantrum alone is okay. Once they’ve calmed down, you can calmly explain things, using simple language and gentle guidance to help your child understand their emotions and learn from the experience.
Your child has likely noticed that when they say “no,” it gets a reaction from you. Since they’ve heard this word often, they’re starting to use it themselves. Not only does it grab your attention, but it also gives them a way to express themselves or resist what you’re asking.
It’s important to be mindful of how often you use “no” and to offer alternatives or provide choices to encourage positive communication and cooperation.
While it can be frustrating, this negativity is a normal part of their development, and it’s essential not to suppress it. This battle for self-determination continues into childhood and adolescence, so expect your child to challenge you for years to come. It’s all part of growing up and establishing their identity.
Offering choices to your child is a powerful strategy for avoiding conflicts and empowering them to make decisions. By presenting limited options, you can give your child a sense of control and independence.Â
For example, when getting dressed, instead of dictating what the child should wear, parents can choose between two options, like “Do you want to wear white shoes or red shoes today?” This allows the child to feel involved in the decision-making process.
When communicating with your child, Use no selectively . Constantly saying “no” to everything can make them desensitise to the word and use it frequently. Instead of always saying “no,” you can focus on offering alternative instructions or redirecting their behaviour positively.Â
For example, instead of saying “no,” you can explain why certain actions are not safe or appropriate, such as “It’s not safe to play on the stairs; let’s play with your blocks instead.” This helps your child understand boundaries and appropriate behaviour in different contexts.
Asserting firmness is essential. Even despite your efforts to redirect, there may be times when you must assert authority with your toddler. For instance, if they insist on climbing on furniture despite being told not to, you’ll need to intervene to prevent accidents.
Yet, it’s not only about safety; there are other situations where firmness is necessary. For example, if your toddler refuses to clean up their toys, you might need to insist they do so. You can acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I understand you’re upset, but cleaning up is important.” This approach sets boundaries while empathising with your child’s emotions.
Whining can become problematic, especially if it leads to your child getting what they want. Addressing whining early is crucial to prevent it from escalating into a more significant issue.Â
Whining can be frustrating, especially when it’s your child’s go-to communication method. But it’s common in young children and often happens when they’re tired, hungry, or just seeking attention. Sometimes, they might use whining to get their way or express unhappiness.
As a parent, you can teach your child to communicate better by showing them how to speak nicely. That means talking to them calmly and avoiding yelling or nagging. When your child uses their words nicely, like asking for things politely, praise them and give them your attention.Â
When your child comes to you whining, kneel to their level and calmly ask them to stop whining. Encourage them to speak nicely and tell you what they need in a calm tone.
Use a pleasant voice and simple words to demonstrate how you would like your child to ask for what they need. For example, if they want a snack, the model says, “Can I please have a snack?”
If your child follows your example and asks nicely, praise them for their good behaviour and let them know they did a great job asking politely.
If your child continues to whine and doesn’t ask nicely, enforce a logical consequence.Â
For example, if they’re whining for a turn with a toy, explain that they need to ask politely. If they don’t ask nicely, let them know they won’t get a turn until they do so. Wait a few minutes for them to calm down, then prompt them to ask again using polite words. Repeat this process until they ask politely, without getting into arguments.
Anger is a common issue for children, sometimes leading to aggressive behaviour. This aggression may stem from various factors such as trauma, mood disorders, sensory sensitivities, or social skills deficits.Â
It’s common for toddlers to exhibit aggressive behaviour, such as hitting or biting, especially when they’re upset or frustrated. This behaviour is developmentally appropriate because young children still learn to manage their emotions and express themselves effectively.
Some children struggle to manage their emotions effectively, leading to outbursts of aggression when they don’t get what they want or encounter challenges.
However, as children grow and develop, they learn new skills, which improve their ability to express themselves—leading to a decrease in aggressive behaviour over time.
Using threats to control a child’s behaviour doesn’t effectively communicate why their actions are inappropriate. Research indicates that parenting styles based on fear, such as threatening consequences like toy seizing or time-outs, can have negative long-term effects on a child’s mental health. These effects may include an increased risk of anxiety, depression, and alcohol misuse later in life.
Research suggests that parents or caregivers should address aggressive behaviour promptly; delaying intervention may result in the child forgetting the incident. Ensure your child comprehends the rule and its reason: “We never hit people because hitting hurts.”
Communicate the consequences of violent behaviour to your child, helping them understand the negative outcomes of their actions. For younger children, provide alternative ways to express emotions, such as using words or phrases to communicate feelings instead of resorting to physical aggression. By offering constructive alternatives, you empower your child to manage their emotions more effectively and resolve conflicts peacefully.
Remember, ensuring your child has a stable and nurturing home environment is the best way to prevent aggressive behaviour. Offer consistent and caring discipline and close supervision throughout their toddler and preschool stages.
Screen time has become a common part of many children’s daily routines, and it’s natural for them to become engrossed in games or shows on electronic devices. However, some children struggle when it’s time to stop using screens.Â
They may resist turning off their devices, ignore instructions, or become upset when screen time ends. Whether they protest loudly when asked to turn off the TV or sneak in extra screen time when unsupervised, excessive screen time is unhealthy for their well-being.
This behaviour can stem from various factors, such as a strong attachment to the content they’re watching or playing, difficulty transitioning to other activities, or frustration at stopping an enjoyable activity.
One way to enforce rules regarding electronic usage is to remove them as a consequence when your child breaks them. This helps them understand the importance of following guidelines and promotes responsible screen time habits.
Additionally, being a healthy role model by demonstrating balanced device use sets a positive example for your child.
Consider implementing periodic digital detoxes for the entire family. This allows everyone to take a break from screens, reconnect with each other, and engage in alternative activities that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being.Â
By prioritising time away from devices, you can cultivate a healthier relationship with technology and strengthen family bonds.
At around 3 or 4 years old, children are still developing their understanding of reality and fantasy. They often have vivid imaginations and may have difficulty distinguishing between what’s real and what’s not.Â
This can lead to situations where they deny involvement, such as writing on the wall or making a mess They’re not intentionally lying but rather struggling to grasp the concept of truth and fiction.Â
However, if your child engages in imaginative play, joining in the fun is fine as long as everyone understands it’s make-believe and not reality.
Punishments for lying at this age aren’t effective. Instead, use verbal communication to help your child understand right and wrong and develop problem-solving and communication skills.
When your child tells a lie, it’s important not to overreact. Instead of immediately getting upset, respond calmly and gently.Â
For example, if your child claims they didn’t eat the last cookie, even though you saw them do it, you could say, “I understand you might be worried about getting in trouble, but it’s important to be honest. Let’s talk about what happened with the cookie.”
By remaining calm and redirecting the conversation to the truth, you create a safe space for your child to be honest and learn from the situation without fear of harsh consequences.
At this age, your little one is full of energy and exploring their newfound ability to shout and scream. They may not understand that screaming isn’t appropriate behaviour yet, especially if they receive attention whenever they do it.Â
Screaming gets them noticed, and they may associate it with being angry or upset. It’s important to gently teach them that there are better ways to express themselves and get attention without screaming.
Responding to your baby’s screams with more screaming can escalate the situation and convey that shouting is an acceptable behaviour. Instead, teach your child the difference between speaking loudly and softly by demonstrating both yourself.
Encourage them to mimic your soft voice when they’re tempted to scream. By modelling calm behaviour and providing positive reinforcement when they behave calmly, you can help your child learn to express themselves without resorting to shouting or screaming.
Engage with them to validate their emotions. While you may not have a full conversation with a one-year-old, speaking to them can offer comfort and help reduce their screaming.
Toddlers between 18 months and 3 years old often throw things when they’re frustrated or curious. They might toss food, toys, or anything within reach to express their feelings. This behaviour is typical for their age, as they’re still learning to manage their emotions and impulses.Â
You must understand that throwing things is a common toddler problem and provide guidance and support as your child learns appropriate ways to express themselves.
Show your child appropriate items for throwing, like softballs or toys that won’t cause damage. By redirecting their throwing behaviour to these safe objects, you’re teaching them what’s acceptable to throw and minimising the risk of damaging valuables or harming others.Â
When your child throws things out of anger or aggression, it’s important to address the behaviour calmly but firmly. Ignoring minor throwings due to frustration can help reinforce the behaviour.Â
However, if the throwing persists or poses a risk to others, intervene immediately with a clear “No” and explain why the behaviour is unacceptable, emphasising that it hurts others.
Take proactive measures to prevent throwing incidents, especially in dangerous situations, like in the car. Secure toys or objects your child might throw by tying them down or placing them out of reach. This helps create a safer environment and reduces the likelihood of throwing behaviour occurring in the first place.
 After a tantrum, praise your child for calming down, saying, “I like how you regained control.” Offer reassurance and a hug, reminding your child they are loved, regardless of their behaviour. If they’re old enough, discuss better ways to express frustration. Ensure your child gets enough sleep, as insufficient sleep can lead to behaviour extremes and increased tantrums.
Toddlers and young children are still learning to manage their emotions and communicate effectively. They may experience big emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness, but they often lack the verbal skills to express them appropriately.
As a result, they may resort to defiant behaviour to express themselves and assert their independence. It is important to give your child choices that empowers them and reduces the likelihood of defiance.
For example, instead of saying “Put your toys away now,” you could say, “Do you want to clean up your toys now or in 10 minutes?”
It’s not uncommon for toddlers to behave differently with other caregivers than they do with their parents. You may exhibit better behaviour because you feel less comfortable testing boundaries with someone you don’t know as well. With their parents, toddlers may feel more secure in challenging behaviours because they trust their parents will intervene if necessary. Â (2)Â
 After a tantrum, praise your child for calming down, saying, “I like how you regained control.” Offer reassurance and a hug, reminding your child they are loved, regardless of their behaviour. If they’re old enough, discuss better ways to express frustration. Ensure your child gets enough sleep, as insufficient sleep can lead to behaviour extremes and increased tantrums.
Toddlers and young children are still learning to manage their emotions and communicate effectively. They may experience big emotions like anger, frustration, or sadness, but they often lack the verbal skills to express them appropriately.
As a result, they may resort to defiant behaviour to express themselves and assert their independence. It is important to give your child choices that empowers them and reduces the likelihood of defiance.
For example, instead of saying “Put your toys away now,” you could say, “Do you want to clean up your toys now or in 10 minutes?”
It’s not uncommon for toddlers to behave differently with other caregivers than they do with their parents. You may exhibit better behaviour because you feel less comfortable testing boundaries with someone you don’t know as well. With their parents, toddlers may feel more secure in challenging behaviours because they trust their parents will intervene if necessary.
1. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Lying and Children
2. AAP: Emotional Development 2 year oldies
3. AAP Publications; Media and Young Minds
4. Centres for Disease Control and Prevention: How to Use Ignoring
5. Children’s Mercy: Hitting and biting: what parents need to know
6. KidsHealth: Temper Tantrums
7. Nationwide Childrens: How to Stop Your Child Whining
8. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health: Families, Parenting and Aggressive Preschoolers: A Scoping Review of Studies Examining Family Variables Related to Preschool Aggression
9. Parenting Style and Mental Disorders in a Nationally Representative Sample of US Adolescents. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology. 2017.
10. Raising Children: Lies: why children lie and what to do
11. Watson Institute: Interrupt and Redirect: For Toddler Throwing
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