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Motherhood is a constant balance between love, sacrifice, and—let’s face it—a good dose of mum guilt. And if you’re a mum of an only child, you might be all too familiar with the nagging question, “Am I giving my child everything they need?” This dilemma is something one mum, whose TikTok video quickly garnered over 2,000 comments, recently opened up about. Her message struck a chord with so many mums who feel the pressure, the guilt, and the doubt surrounding the choice to have just one child.
Let us take a closer look at her story, the heartfelt responses, and why so many parents find themselves in the same boat. Read on, and you might just find a little reassurance, togetherness, or even a new perspective.
In her TikTok video, this mum spoke vulnerably about her three-year-old daughter and the internal conflict she feels daily. While she wants to give her daughter a sibling, she’s not ready for another child—mentally or financially. The guilt builds as she watches her little girl grow, wondering who she’ll play with, who she’ll go through life with, and who she’ll lean on in adulthood. She voiced what so many mothers feel but often don’t express openly: the fear that by having only one child, they might be depriving their kid of something fundamental.
One comment that deeply resonated with her post said: “Same, my daughter is 9 & honestly I have no desire to have another child. I just want to travel and live life and give her a great life.” This mum’s perspective highlights the beauty of choosing to provide rich life experiences over siblings. It’s a decision that many parents wrestle with, trying to balance their own well-being and the life they envision for their only child.
Another recurring theme in the comments was the notion of selfishness. Many mums worry that by not giving their child a sibling, they might be making a selfish choice. This mother wonders aloud in her video, “Am I being selfish by not giving her a sibling? How is that going to affect her into her adulthood?”
As it turns out, she’s not alone. Countless mums shared their own struggles, noting how they feel both judged and inadequate for wanting—or needing—to stop at one child. Yet, as one mum commented: “It’s okay to give your child a happy & healthy mum instead of a sibling.” Her words, echoed in numerous comments, are a powerful reminder that our well-being as mums is often overlooked but deeply impacts our children.
The belief that only children are lonely, isolated, or missing out on important experiences is one that’s existed for generations. But modern mums are questioning if this stereotype still holds true, or if it’s just another outdated parenting expectation.
One mum who commented mentioned her experience growing up as an only child: “I’m an only child, and so is my husband. We have a son who’s almost 1. We go back and forth about having another. But as an only child, I got to experience so much more because it was just me.” She makes an important point: only children often have unique experiences and opportunities. Without siblings, they may receive more focused attention, diverse experiences, and even the gift of independence early on.
Parents are beginning to reframe the narrative, realizing that being an only child isn’t a deficit; rather, it’s just a different path with its own unique gifts and challenges.
In her TikTok video, the mum speaks to another reality—how societal expectations intensify her guilt. She hears constant reminders from others about the importance of siblings and the presumed loneliness of only children. Comments like, “You shouldn’t wait too long,” or, “Your child needs a sibling,” have an unintended effect, adding to her feelings of inadequacy.
One mother shared her feelings on this pressure in the comments: “Yes, I struggle with this CONSTANTLY. And people always tell me I shouldn’t wait long and my son needs a sibling… I feel awful… but mentally and financially I’m not ready.” Many mums echoed her sentiment, with the community rallying around each other, validating each other’s concerns, and reminding each other that only they know what’s best for their families.
When it comes to decisions as personal as family size, it’s clear that there is no “one-size-fits-all” answer. Sometimes, the hardest thing for a parent to do is to tune out the noise and trust their own instincts.
The outpouring of support on this TikTok video serves as a reminder of something essential: as mums, we’re often harder on ourselves than anyone else would be. The pressures we place on ourselves, the expectations we feel from society, and the guilt that follows us around—all stem from our desire to give our children the best possible life. But as many mums pointed out in their comments, it’s equally important to give our children a happy, fulfilled, and mentally healthy mum.
As one comment wisely put it: “I’d rather give my child a peaceful and happy life than push myself into another child just to fulfil an expectation.” There’s wisdom in these words, as they highlight the importance of prioritising mental and emotional health for both mum and child.
With over 2,000 comments on this post, it’s clear that this topic resonated with so many. The comments turned into a virtual support group, a place where mums came together to share their own struggles, their own stories, and their own decisions. They validated each other, lifted each other up, and reminded each other that mum guilt is something they can overcome together.
Reading these comments, it becomes apparent that there’s strength in shared experience. When mums open up about their insecurities, their hopes, and their doubts, it helps others feel less alone. By being vulnerable, they create space for others to be, too.
If you’re feeling the weight of this choice or struggling with the decision of whether to have another child, know that you’re not alone. Mums across the world are walking this same path, each doing their best to make the right decision for themselves and their families. The reality is that there’s no perfect answer—just the one that feels right for you and your family.
© Mindsmaking 2024
